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So what’s a well-intentioned host to do? A little preparation goes a long way. For starters, know what categories and price ranges you are buying before you go in. Make a shopping list. Omitting this step is the number one mistake of most people buying wine. They just write “WINE” on their list. That’s like going to the hardware store and writing “hardware” on your list.
Unless you want to spend an hour or two blankly staring at thousands of bottles, reading completely useless (and ridiculously tiny) back labels, or answering the helpful clerk’s queries with, “uh, I’m not sure, uh, I’m just looking around, uh, something good, I guess…,” best to jot down what your looking for.
Start with the types of wines, broadly, like red, white, bubbly, or even better, the varietal and/or growing region and producer of each (e.g. for red, variety: Temperanillo, region: Spain—Rioja, producer: Muga, or for white, variety: Sauvignon Blanc, region: Sonoma County— Russian River, producer: Roshambo). Even if the store doesn’t have the specific region or producer you had in mind, these details will help you narrow the field once you’re there, or help the clerk guide you to something similar.
Once you’ve done this, assign the MOST you’re willing to pay for any of the categories. Once you’re in the store, look for the best deal—not necessarily the cheapest price. Finding value is key, rather than getting something cheap that doesn’t really taste that great. I’m begging you: spend the extra buck or whatever.
Finally, try to figure out how much you’ll need of each wine. If it’s just you and a handful of friends, that’s easy enough. For a big party, I usually start by dividing the total number of people by 24. This gives me the total number of cases I will need, giving each person two glasses. When deciding how much red and white to buy, a good rule of thumb these days is two bottles of red to one of white, unless the weather is hot; then go with half and half. For ordinary gatherings, count bubbly and pink or rosé as white. If it’s a special occasion, you’ll probably need equal parts bubbly, white and red.
When you get to the store, try not to be swayed too much by goofy labels. It may seem funny at the time to buy something called The Frisky Snake or Four Gimpy Tramps (I made those two up—pretty funny, huh?), but you will probably think better of it later. These are “conversational” bottles, and their contents should be enjoyed in moderation. Unless it’s a bachelorette party; then, hell—go for it, ladies. Of course, there are a few rather good bargains that actually carry names like Fat Bastard, Royal Bitch and The Laughing Magpie. The last one is quite a serious wine, from d’Arenburg, and pairs nicely with any red from Marquis-Phillips, whose logo is a kangaroo with a bald eagle’s head. Silly, yet serious; and well-priced. But these days, who can tell?
As I wrote in my last column avoid picking by the Big Number (88! 95! 92!) on those little cards on the shelf, but instead read the description to see if it appeals to you. The clerk’s advice in smaller shops and in well-run wine departments of finer groceries can also be quite helpful—especially if they’ve actually tasted the wine personally.
Get an assortment of wines if you’re buying multiple bottles. This way, you’ll taste many more wines and find out which ones you and your guests prefer. Living life to the fullest is about new, exciting experiences, remember, you old fuddy-duddy?
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Michael De Loach.
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